Smell Like a Nightcrawler

My short history of fragrances goes something like this:

• In first grade, my dad would occasionally dab a splash or two of his "Brut" behind my ears.
• I went pretty much fragrance-free until my mid-twenties, when, during a brief stint at Kaufmann's to pay the bills while I was busy pretending to be a rock star, I was doused by one of the fragrance hags with something called "Tuscany."  I was immediately repelled by the scent.  Strangely enough, though, the smell stuck around on my leather watch strap for weeks -- and eventually, I came to like it.  I ended up buying a bottle. 

  Not being one to douse myself in fragrance, I only used a little bit on the rare occasions I used it at all.  Fifteen years later, that bottle still sits, only about half-empty, on our bathroom counter.

• A year or so after our marriage (Happy Valentine's Day, by the way, to my sweetie), Mrs. Subdivided bought me a bottle of Eddie Bauer cologne.  It's perfect for me, in that it's extremely subtle.  I like it -- but what with the kids and all, I rarely get a chance to wear it these days.  I think I've used a third of a bottle in close to six years.

And that's it -- my history with men's perfume.

I think it's safe to say, however, that my next cologne purchase will not be this.  (Caution -- that's a video file, with what I would give a mild PG-13 rating, for those of you reading from work.  You'll need speakers or headphones to truly appreciate it.)

Comments

[Julie]

I am not sure how to express my feelings on this video. The one thing that really freaked me out, however, is the combination of his make-up with his hairy armpits.

[Deadlytoque]

I think that's the idea. I could be reading too much into this, but I would guess that the ad is meant to be a satirical poke at the differences in what's considered "sexy" for men and women.

I currently have a large bottle of Preferred Stock that I use for special occasions, and some Adidas Moves, for when I just feel like smellin' purdy. That's pretty much the extent of my colognes.

My brother is young enough to have gone through an Axe phase, where he would practically bathe in that wretched stuff. Thankfully h'e grown out of it and prefers much more subtle scents now.

[CGG]

Alan Cumming is hilarious. His perfume has been out for a few years now. As a rule I think celebrity scents are silly, but his last name gives him a great excuse.

[Bob]

Y'know, I think Deadlytoque nailed it. Normally, I pick up on satire, but I missed it entirely with this one.

Taken in that light, the ad is pretty funny -- but still makes me feel all weird, like when Bugs Bunny wears a dress.

[Tube City]

Feh! I was born a Hi-Karate man, and I'll die an Hi-Karate man.